My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
