I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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