there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
