So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
