Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize