i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
