so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
