Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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