Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
