i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
