worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize