I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
