i permit you to call me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
