So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wear drunk well.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
