I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have tasted many bathrooms
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
