Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's great music for shaving your balls
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
