did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
