4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
