It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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