She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Your penis caused this!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
