I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
