can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
