it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's get the cat blown out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize