kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
