Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm bleeding and have questions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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