"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
