I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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