i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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