I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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