Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
