all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
