Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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