apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
