Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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