the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
