I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
