i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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