He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
