she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
