people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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