so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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