I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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