oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize