Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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