Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
