You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
