and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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