sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
