how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
