did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So vagazzling was a success
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