It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
