Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
