I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
