Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
