My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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