and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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