Soap is not a condiment
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
