Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
