Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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