I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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