Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
